Dear Client

One would think that since you booked a massage in a high end resort you’d understand the rules and etiquette of getting a massage. However since you obviously don’t let me list a few of the rules you have broken, so you’ll know for next time.

It is not okay to answer the door in your underwear and a tank top…put some freaking pants on, the people in the hall aren’t that impressed with your package and neither am I.

This is the first indication that you as a client are going to give me problems.

I don’t need you to “prepare” the room before I get there. Unless you want to actually pick your crap up off the floor, but that is another rant. This means that no matter how nicely you have made the bed look you are NOT getting your massage there, nor will I ever be placing any part of my body upon it. No matter how much you try to convince me that unethical and illegal things happen every minute in Vegas, it doesn’t matter. YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY JOB AND MY LICENSE.

Just a side note, this is clue number two that in about twenty minutes we will be arguing about whether or not I will be touching your penis. Trust me I am prepared it make you wish you’d never booked a massage in the first place, I suggest you take care of the problem yourself. Just because I am pregnant and obviously put out at some point does not mean I am interested in helping you with your problem in any way.

It’s okay to ask for specific work, however…It is not okay to ask for inner thigh work, while wiggling your ass on my table in a suggestive manner.

When I comply to my professional standards and refuse to go any “higher or any more to the inside of the thigh” it’s not okay to try and intimidate me into doing what you want. Throw as big a fit as you like it only pisses me off and as you found out ends your massage then and there. I don’t respond well to bullying, even if you are 6 ft 7.

Also arguing with me about what you said that was inappropriate, will not make me change my mind about continuing the massage no matter how shocked and surprised you act that I have found your behavior inappropriate. I have been doing this job for over 3 years now and I can tell the difference between someone asking me for a happy ending and someone asking for more work on an area.

I might suggest that telling me there are a million girls out there that you could have gone to in Vegas, to get a happy ending if that is really what you wanted is completely true. Don’t act so shocked when I agree with you and inform you that it always surprises me when a client asks me to do that for them since it is so easy and might I add cheaper to get else where.

While I would suggest it is not in your best interests to piss off your massage therapist ever, let me inform you that pissing off your 8 month pregnant massage therapist is even less in your best interests. Your lucky that I was not so angry as to have you black balled from the spa, and trust me that’s only because I have dealt with way worse pervs that you.

Just so you are aware, you currently hold the record for client whom I have discontinued the massage with, at a time of 15 minutes, congratulations. Most clients “who aren’t asking for happy endings” at least wait until I flip then over on the table. Props to you for your inpatients.

Trying to argue with me the entire time I am packing up and acting offended will get you no where with me.

Good luck at your next massage, I hope you behave better for your next therapist then you did for me.

Much love

Kyrie

p.s. I hope you get the herp from your next hooker.

We went to the doc today and had our 20wk Ultrasound, and we are having a girl! We took the boys with us and they were enthralled with watching the baby magically appear on the screen. It was a rather long appointment about 30 min of them taking measurements and looking at stuff.  They say she is healthy and within normal weight range, so we are very happy.

They did mention  that she was on the low end of the weight range of normal, and Craig got all concerned and started asking what he needed to feed me. I am pretty sure I looked at him like he had lost him mind.  There are 2 reasons for this…

1) He breeds small babies, both his kids were 7lbs or so.

2) They said “Within NORMAL weight range” how big does he want this baby to be when I give birth.

I have since assured him we are letting the baby grow at her pace not trying to fatten her up in the womb.

Yesterday we told the boys about the baby, Alex was enthusiastic right off the bat, and of course Kayden took a few minutes to absorb the thought and then slowly began to warm to the idea, once we assured him that the baby was not replacing anyone in our family but simply adding one more special person to our family.

We decided to take the boys our for ice cream to celebrate the addition to our family, except since Alex is having issues with a cough he decided he would rather have a candy bar so as not to have the dairy make the mucus worse.

Alex was so excited about the baby that he asked if he could tell the strangers in the DQ that we were having a baby. I explained that he could only tell people we know, because even though we are having a baby its not okay to talk to strangers…even if they have a baby themselves.

We showed them the I’m Pregnant book that has pictures of what the baby looks at the various stages and the 11wk ultra sound pictures of the baby. We explained that next Wed we were going to the doctor to find out what sex the baby is and talked about what they would like best.

They agree that a baby sister would be best, and we explained that they wouldn’t be loosing their room. Then Alex decided that he wanted to make an origami mobile for the baby, Kayden was very excited about knitting a fish toy for the baby to go with the fish blankets I am making for the boys.

Alex has taken up the habit of yelling at my tummy since we told them that the baby can hear what’s going on. He keeps asking if she is awake or sleeping, and is disappointed when I say sleeping. This is because last night when she was moving around Kayden got to feel her kick his hand, but when I let Alex try to feel she got all quiet, so he is still waiting for her to move around so he can feel it.

Both boys are very excited about the baby and I’m not sure if I am going to be able to handle all that enthusiasm(and touching) for the next 6 months. Alex has started “shopping” for the baby from the magazines we have going through and debating the merits of various cribs and bouncy chairs depending on their ability to hold his mobile.

Today as Alex was leaving for his Doc appointment (his cough has lasted for 2 wks now, it was almost gone when he went his mothers but is twice as bad when we got him back) he said to me, “Keep the baby safe Kyrie.” I said, “I will I just like I keep you safe.” and he smiled and said “yep just like that.”

Kayden is very excited that the baby will come around his birthday, and wants me to open the doors for the count down calendar that his grandmother sends every year for Christmas, since the baby won’t be able to yet.

Over all I’d say they are very excited and taking it very very well. I just hope they feel the same when they get back from the wicked witch, as she has taken the news with the least amount of poise and grace that she could possibly manage. Angry at Craig that I’ll be taking her child support and assuring him that I’ll be leaving him for sure now.

Which makes no sense to me at all, I mean if I was even considering that option I never would have let even a possibility of getting pregnant happen, I did after all manage to avoid it for the last 32 years. Then again none of her delusions make any sense to me.

So I know it’s been a really long time since I have blogged, but I have been a bit busy.

Yep that’s right I have been busy making baby stuff to go along with the baby I’ve been working on.  I am currently 17wks pregnant, and everything is going wonderfully.  I am due Dec 22nd. So I’ve had a bit of a baby stuff spree. We don’t know the sex yet, though it’s probably obvious that I wouldn’t mind a girl. I have been trying to do some gender neutral stuff, but I’m not sure if I am managing to succeed at that.

My bunny looks more like a puppy, I didn’t manage to get the shaping right but I am still  pretty happy with how it turned out.  Pretty cute if I do say so myself.

Made some cute little mittens to go with the socks that I finished as well. I think I may have enough for a matching hat.

The baby blanket seems a bit girly to me though Craig says that it would be fine for either I am not sure I believe him.

I happened to like that yarn so much from when I made the hoodie and hat that I couldn’t resist using it for this blanket also.

I made a matching hat and bootie set for a newborn which I really really like how it turned out.  I am sooo jonesing to make a baby sweater, but Iam trying to hold off until Aug 5th when we can find out the sex of the baby. Anyway I think that’s all of what I have been up to.  Oh yeah I forgot this one…

This last semister, Alex decided to slack, he slacked so much that his writing grade went from a B to a D…in one semister.  Mainly that’s because Alex is not all that fond of writing. He’d rather hurry through it and his work is…abismal at best. So we decided that he would be writing a story a week for the rest of the summer. This is the first installment of his summer homework. After some decussion Alex asked if he could write one large story for the whole summer. We agreed and so this is the first part of his story. It doesn’t have a title yet as he’s still working on that.  But here we go…

“Hello, what is your name?”

“Alex.”

“Well hello Alex. Welcome to Desert Breeze. My name is Cloe.”

“Hey why don’t you put your lunch box on your group table, in the gym.”

“Ok.”

When I got in the gym everybody was free playing. The first thing I played was wall ball with a leader then I shot some hoops after awhile we had to line up for snack.  For snack I had a cookie, gummies and a banana. After snack we went back to the gym.

But when we got there something with wings grabbed me and flew off with me. At that moment I realized two things, one I was hungry and two I needed to know what is carrying me. All of a sudden I was dropped into a pool of water. When my head got out I was in a whole new place.

When I realized that I started to hear some laughing. When I looked up I saw harpies laughing at me bacause I was soaking wet and that made me mad and suddenly I realized that I had armor and a sword and beside me was a ghoul.  “This much be WoW, ” I thought.

When I clearly realized that it was WoW I attacked the laughing harpies and after I gained a level and now I was completely convinced that it was WoW.

Right after I was clearly convinced I realized I was my level 58 Death Knight. Then all of a sudden a man in a black mask pounced out of the bushes and was being attacked by wolf clan men and it was technically four against one but I decided to even the odds.  After the fight we introduced each other, his name was Zorro.

Guess what he got here the same way I did, harpies took us from the real world to this world. He also told me how to get back to the real world. “You just have to go to the Harpies kingdom, but to get there you will have to go through Saku’s Forest, Orgrimmar, the Dark Portal, the Never Ending Cove, Dino Kindgom and the Orc cavern.”

“So where do we start?”

“The Never Ending Cove.”

“What!”

“Don’t worry it ends…eventually.”

“Ahhh!”

“Just kidding, sorry.”

“That was not me.”

“Then what was that?”

“Why don’t you ask it?”

At that moment Zorro turned around and guess what he saw a werewolf.  Right after I blinked the werewolf’s head was gone.

We pause here tune back in about two weeks for the next story.  The kids are going up to their grand parents for the week, so there will be a longer pause the usual after this story.

Today we made S’mores in a campfire out back. We had a lot of fun, though I had to teach the boys S’mores etiquette. Craig doesn’t remember ever having them before and the Lost boys had never had them either. We all sat outside and watched the fire burn out and the kids and I made up a story about a knight and a dragon from what we could imagine the flames of the fire looked like. The S’mores were as yummy as I remembered.  And the kids lasted until 10pm on one S’more and one roasted marshmallow. I don’t know how my mom let us eat so many of those on camping trips. Then again we spent most of the day hiking and were so worn out that the S’mores didn’t really have much effect. I couldn’t convince any of the boys to eat the Marshmallows that way I liked it…charbroiled to ash, I am telling you ash with your sugar is good….sigh they didn’t believe me.

Earlier today Kayden and I dyed his first skein of sock yarn. We both had fun dying our yarn.  Kayden’s came out very well he listened to my instructions and there was only one little bit that got a bit muddied with the dye mixing together.   I dyed mine a pretty light blue and Kayden did his green, red and blue.  I will have pictures later when they are done drying.

Below is the story that Alex just finished writing, thought I would share it all with you.

Hello to all you Dragon lovers out there. My name is Alex and I  will tell you how to find a North American, African, and Asian dragons.

First if you live in North America and you live near the mountains that have a cave, ask yourself these three questions.

1. Would a dragon live in a cave?

Yes / No

2. Is the dragon hungry?

Yes / No

3. Will he/she be a baby?

Yes / No

If you are not sure about a question there are three things you can do.

A. Give up

B. Sneak in the cave and look.

C. Buy a robot to check

If none of these work that means there is no dragon. Wait! But there still could be dragon remains, below is a picture of a dragon rib I found.

As you can see it has a crack and if you are wondering what a dragon would like like.

• blue wings
• wings tattered
• breathes fire
• blue
• red and yellow eyes

Now if you are in Africa and you have elephants and you want to catch a dragon have a heat seeking missle ready because these type of dragons eat elephants. There are three week spots.

1. The head

2. Wings

3. Long neck

If you hit the head it might cause temporary blindness or it will kill the dragon. If you hit the wings the dragon will lose balance and fall. If you hit the neck it might blow some scales off or it might blow the dragons head off.  Below are then dragon traits.

1. Dragons are carnivors.
2. Dragons are fast.
3. Dragons breathe fire.
4. Dragons have big meals.
5. Most dragons have black horns.
6. All dragons have tails.
7. Most dragons live in caves.
8. Baby dragons are called whlepings (well-p-lings).
9. Some dragons have feathers.
10. All dragons have claws.

Now you know how to find an African dragon and an American dragon.

The next dargon we are going to talk about is so evil and vile that one look will crush the living daylights out of you. Just kidding! There is no dragon that is that dangerous.

The real dragon that we are going to talk abotu is the nicest dragon alive, it is called the Asian dragon. The Asian dragon looks like it is part snake, part lion, and part lizard. It’s scales are red and at the end of the tail is hair. On its back there are some red spikes sticking out. Every dragons eye tell of its power. Below are some colors and powers.

1. Green = Healing
2. Purple = Singing
3. Red = Sharper claws
4. White = Fast Flying
5. Black = Invisible

Now you know how to find three dragons. And there names are , the North American dragon, the African, and the Asian dragons. Now go and use your wisdom well.

The lost boys went up to visit their grandparents for spring break and then, Craig’s parents came down to visit them after they returned. Some how those lucky lost boys got two weeks of spring break…I’m not sure how that happened. I finished half of the I do Shrug and have started on the second sleeve. It’s coming along very nicely.

I know it looks kind of bloby and such, but that’s because it’s lace and I haven’t blocked it yet.

I have also been working on my Sprite DarterSocks which I finished last night just as I got my Sprite Darter in Wow! I was sooo excited

I made them extra girlie this time because Craig was threatening to steal them…though he assures me that he is secure enough that he can still wear them…sigh.

The weather was beautiful when Mel and David were here, but now it’s turned gloomy and windy. It’s looking like spring break was only a tease. Mom tells me that it’s still snowing in Montana and Mel called this morning to tell Craig it had snowed 6in. and she was moving down to live with us until spring decided to really come this year.
The lost boys enjoyed their easter gifts a great deal, and Kayden managed to  break his yo-yo so while Craig was trying to fix it he decided to super glue both of his eyes. Luckily he caught it in time before they were glued shut and washed his eyes for about 10 minutes. Was any interesting few days around here.

For those of you just dying to know what a Sprite Darter looks like…here are two pictures of my character…

See even in game I hang out in the desert where it’s warm.

And here I am dancing for the joy of a new Sprite Darter!

So I have a friend on Ravelry that runs the Nerdabout NYC’s blog, for the science channel. Basically they feature various nerdy things and post about it. She asked me if I would be willing to do an interview about playing WoW and knitting. Which I was more then happy to do for her.

So please go check out the interview and comment! The science channel bases how long they are willing to keep this project going on the comments. So please please comment as she has offered to spotlight Strangers as well just before it is published.

As to other things I’ve been up to lately…well not much. Just reading a lot. I’ve read the last to novels in the Twilight series, and four Nicole Jordan books in the last few days.

Okay I know it’s been way to long since I did this, but I have finally gotten comfortable with my new program and it’s time to play again.  I have been doing a ton of knitting lately, so I thought I’d share a few pictures with you.

Before we start with my stuff though I want to show you Lorna’s Baby Murloc of doom! He’s soo cute and he was her first project that was not a scarf, I am very proud of her. She has done such a wonderful job with the baby murloc.

It’s pictured below with Kayden’s murloc so you can see the size difference. As you can see it hasn’t quite come into his colors yet.

Here are some of the projects I have started and  finished in the last month or so.  First I made Craig his own Skull hat so he wouldn’t be so cold in the morning driving to work since he took the jeep top off  just a bit early.

But then Kevin at work saw it and wanted one of his own so I sold him one as well. I haven’t given it to him yet so I have no pictures of him in it…so I made Craig model it for you.

Then I made another pair of toe up socks cuz, you can never have enough socks and I wanted to try out the whole toe up sock thing again, with a different heel to see if I liked that better.  I have decided they are a bit baggy and so I am not sure about the whole toe up thing. However Craig has stole them…evil man that he is. This is one of the few times I have been able to get my socks back from him. He claims he doesn’t mind the girly lace stuff I put on the tops in hopes he wouldn’t wear them. Unfortunately you can’t really see it in this picuter.

My mistake of course was making him, his own pair for Valentines day ever since then he has been coveting my socks!

Then I decided to knit Indie Dyer her murloc so she could take her on to Stitches West. She turned out pretty cute if I do say so myself. Indie Dyer is the wonderful lady that makes the murloc yarn.

After that I thought I had better finish the murlocs for David that I promised him, because quiet frankly its getting to the point that I don’t ever want to knit another murloc again. Ten is really quiet enough.  I finished all three on the day that I took David in for his surgery and they let him pose for a picture before they took him off into the room.

I took that picture with my Blackberry so it is a bit fuzzy…sorry about that. They waited patiently with me in the waiting room while I waited for David to finish his surgery so I could take him home.

Then Alex happened to see a pair of my fingerless mitt and was very convincing in his argument that he desperately needed a pair to keep his hand warm when he rode in his Dad’s jeep.

Once Kayden  saw Alex’s gloves he had to have a pair as well. So I ended up making two pairs. They both only took a day to knit.

And finally I started something for myself! I am so excited about this shrug I can’t wait to be finished with it.

Anyway that’s pretty much what we’ve been up to this last month. The lost boys are excited about spring break coming up and seeing their grandparents again. Craig and I are staying busy with work and life and overall everything is going well.

Oh yeah Kayden got to call his girlfriend today…that went…interestingly. She deigned to talk to him for all of about 30 seconds before telling him she was busy and hanging up. Of course he called her five times in one day at his mothers house…so we had to explain the whole stalking concept and that he couldn’t call more then one time a day in the future.

So I have been doing a lot of editing for the Strangers RPG game as well as a bit of writing.  This project was started about 15 years ago, and I became involved with it about 7 years ago.  I helped write the first rough rough draft and then promptly moved to Las Vegas and left it in Raven’s hands. Well I am happy to announce that the game will finally be published June 1st, through Chronocomm Games. We will be going to Gen Con in August to promote the game and debut it. I am really really excited.

I haven’t been knitting much as I have been working on the game.  Today is sit and knit and I am going to try and finish that last murloc.

Yesterday I went to the Stripper 101 class, with some of the in room girls from work. We had a blast! The teacher was awesome and and very very funny. She showed us all these great stripper tricks as well as how to keep the control in a lap dance and  even a few pole tricks. It was such a work out, though at the time it didn’t feel like it. I sure feel it now.