Kyrie’s Rants & InSaNiTiEs

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17 days ago I started the Knitting Olympics with the Yarn Harlot.  I had found the beautiful Aeolian Shawl by Elizabeth Freeman, which you can find the free pattern for in the Spring 2009 issue of Knitty. Now this shawl comes in 3 different sizes and I chose the biggest size because I like to be wrapped up in my shawls…and so far none of them have been quiet big enough. Below is a photo of the one I picked to make, pretty huh…you can’t really see the bead work that is included with this shawl. But I fell in love with it and cast on…well the original yarn that I chose to use, was damaged by moths or something and after completing the set up chart and 2 repeats of the Yucca pattern I realized that there was no way I could use this yarn.

That’s when I took a break to read the Yarn Harlot’s blog and discovered that she was going to hose the Knitting Olympics on her blog again and it started in 2 days!  So I decided to do this project in 17 days…perhaps that was a bit over reaching considering I have a newborn. But hey it was supposed to be a challenge.  So I spent the next two days selecting yarn and finding beads and getting ready to knit in between breast feedings and playing with my daughter.
Those first four days I got quiet a bit of knitting done, it was going a long very smoothly and I was really proud of myself I thought I would finish the shawl no problem.
Then we found out that my grandfather was dying and so I put aside my knitting to make plans to fly home to Montana in the hopes of seeing him before he passed on.  My mom really wanted a picture of him with his new great granddaughter. So we gathered up our things and headed to the airport where Bella took her first ride on a turtle…
and a plane…where no knitting was done because Bella slept peacefully the entire way there.
But that was not to be he passed on peacefully the night before we flew into Montana, the funeral was on Sunday and we spent the next few days in a flurry of getting everything ready. I was able to knit maybe a 2 or 3 rows during all of that time.
Bella got to meet my Uncle Merle for the first time at the funeral, where I managed to flash the 88 year old Pastor while he was giving the eulogy.  I have to say he didn’t miss a beat when Bella dragged back the blanket to cough.  After the funeral in good Mauch tradition we released white balloons into the sky,(which I’m fairly certain is illegal now)
went to the Golden Corral and had a family gathering…for those that could make it. My cousin Josh had come down to see Grandpa before he passed but like us he missed him as well.
He did however get to meet his new niece and they had a great time snuggling and hanging out together.  Though it seems that Josh has the innate ability to have his eyes closed in almost all photos taken of him.
Bella got to meet a lot of her family on this trip.
And Suzi got to imagine what it will be like to be a grandma when her boys held the baby.
After the funeral Bella got to experience her first snow drift…she wasn’t all that impressed to be honest.
Trina got to give Bella her first hair style…originally it was pigtails, however her hair is so silky it didn’t last long and ended up looking like Devil horns, giving her a DebilBaby look.
And of course I couldn’t leave out a picture of Bella in her pretty coat. 🙂
So overall I spent the Olympics supporting my family and helping them deal with a rough time, but not really knitting, which is why I didn’t finish my shawl in 17 days, but I’m okay with that because sometimes life is more important and a knitting challenge…rarely but sometimes.

Today Craig was sweet enough to spend about 3 hrs doing henna on my very pregnant belly as a consolation prize for Bella not being here yet.  He did a great job and I just had to share the pictures with everyone.

I’ve been so busy growing the baby that I haven’t felt the need to update my blog lately. But it seemed like a good idea this morning so here we go.
The Lost Boys are doing wonderfully they are very excited about having a little sister and hover so much that I have to admit it makes me a little crazy. Seems like every time I turn around I have to be careful not to trip over one of them.  They are good boys though, they have managed to stay out of too much trouble these last few months.  This Wednesday is Kayden’s guitar show, he’s been doing really well with it.  In fact he was so good that when he started the after school guitar club his teacher bumped him into the advanced class, which he is pretty proud of. He’s been very excited about the Christmas show and keeps asking if Bella is going to wait to come until afterward. Which of course I hope she does as I know how much it means to him for his family to go to the show.  Who knows maybe 45 min of sitting on uncomfortable chairs will kick-start some labor. lol

They are both doing well in school, and Alex has been selected to apply to an advanced school next year if he makes it through the application process. Craig and I  are going to go learn more about it in January.  We haven’t told Alex about it yet because we want to make sure it’s something that is doable before we bring it up to him. We’re not sure if it’s a school that will cost money to send him to, we are hoping that if it is the price is not so outrageous that we can’t send him.  He really needs to go to a school that will challenge him and this one has an emphasis on Math, Science, and Engineering which are right up Alex’s alley. His grades this year have been really good he had all B’s his last report card so hopefully he will keep that up and be able to get in.  Of course with Alex going into middle school next year, I know can you believe it middle school already, that will be a big change for Kayden who will have to get used to not having his older brother around at school anymore.

Bella is doing well, she is head down just like she should be and baking just fine. My midwife says she probably won’t come early, which is fine she can bake as long as she needs, but I am to the point that I wouldn’t mind if she came early.

Mom and Dad will be down around the 19th or so to hang out and wait for the baby as well as be here for Christmas.  They are putting Grand into a nursing home before they come down as he has gotten to the point that he cannot be left alone and of course the rest of his good for nothing 7 boys (I’m not counting Eric or my dad) won’t lower themselves to help their father.  Even the Son that lives in his house and eats all his food, and no I am not talking about my dad.

Mom says that Grand has really taken a turn for the worse in the last few months and that its impossible for him to do most anything for himself now.  I find this topic really upsetting because while Grand’s boys are all making excuses about how they can’t help out even to watch him for a day, so my parents can spend some time together, they are all behaving like greedy bastards with their hands out demanding various items from Grand’s estate.  Which because his house has been reversed mortgaged and he will be going into a home with nothing to pay the bills with there is no estate.

It all goes to pay for his remaining days in the home, which it should, other than my father his children have sat by and watched eagerly as Grand has gone downhill waiting like evil nasty vultures.  One of the brothers even had enough nerve to tell Grand to his face that he should just kill himself and end it all. My mother is way to nice to these people, and I keep telling her that but she’d rather avoid a confrontation about such things.  Which I guess I understand on one level but it makes me so angry if I was there I’d tell them how useless they have been as children, let alone human beings. Thieves and drug addicts, who care about no one but themselves. Of course none of them read this so I can be as blunt as I like, which honestly I would be just a blunt if they were in front of me right now.

More than one of them has tried to use the excuse that it just hurts too much to see their Father like that…I call Bullshit! That is so pathetic I can’t even begin to describe it, you are just trying to avoid your responsibility to your father because it’s inconvenient for you to take part in his care and his life.   I hope you raise children that will happily sit back and leave you to die alone either in the street or a home just like you were willing to do to your father. And as for the other one that doesn’t have children that said that I think you should be aware that you will be dying alone with no one to care for you or lift a finger just as you’ve done for your father.

Okay obviously I needed to rant a little bit about that…now moving on to happier topics.

I’ve been knitting for Christmas this year, unfortunately there will be no pictures because I just don’t want to spoil any surprises.  Though I did make the cutest coat for Bella that I don’t think I published so I’ll give you all a peek of that. I have the coat being modeled by the doll my Gran gave me, so no that is not a live baby its okay that she looks a bit spooky to some.

I think it turned out very very cute and I can’t wait to take pictures of Bella in it.  Oh I can also show you all  Trina’s Birthday gift as her day has come and gone by a few months now. When she was very little around 2 or so she used to have this pink stuffed elephant that she adored.  She loved it so much that when someone stole it from daycare she was heartbroken. She has mentioned that elephant from time to time her entire life so I decided to make her another one. This one can’t replace that one of course but I had fun making it and knew she would love it.

So there are a few of the projects I have been working on over the last few months. Most of my stuff has been for Christmas. I still have a bit left to do for Craig’s present but I am waiting on the yarn to come as I underestimated my need in that area. It should be here any day now.

Dear Client

One would think that since you booked a massage in a high end resort you’d understand the rules and etiquette of getting a massage. However since you obviously don’t let me list a few of the rules you have broken, so you’ll know for next time.

It is not okay to answer the door in your underwear and a tank top…put some freaking pants on, the people in the hall aren’t that impressed with your package and neither am I.

This is the first indication that you as a client are going to give me problems.

I don’t need you to “prepare” the room before I get there. Unless you want to actually pick your crap up off the floor, but that is another rant. This means that no matter how nicely you have made the bed look you are NOT getting your massage there, nor will I ever be placing any part of my body upon it. No matter how much you try to convince me that unethical and illegal things happen every minute in Vegas, it doesn’t matter. YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY JOB AND MY LICENSE.

Just a side note, this is clue number two that in about twenty minutes we will be arguing about whether or not I will be touching your penis. Trust me I am prepared it make you wish you’d never booked a massage in the first place, I suggest you take care of the problem yourself. Just because I am pregnant and obviously put out at some point does not mean I am interested in helping you with your problem in any way.

It’s okay to ask for specific work, however…It is not okay to ask for inner thigh work, while wiggling your ass on my table in a suggestive manner.

When I comply to my professional standards and refuse to go any “higher or any more to the inside of the thigh” it’s not okay to try and intimidate me into doing what you want. Throw as big a fit as you like it only pisses me off and as you found out ends your massage then and there. I don’t respond well to bullying, even if you are 6 ft 7.

Also arguing with me about what you said that was inappropriate, will not make me change my mind about continuing the massage no matter how shocked and surprised you act that I have found your behavior inappropriate. I have been doing this job for over 3 years now and I can tell the difference between someone asking me for a happy ending and someone asking for more work on an area.

I might suggest that telling me there are a million girls out there that you could have gone to in Vegas, to get a happy ending if that is really what you wanted is completely true. Don’t act so shocked when I agree with you and inform you that it always surprises me when a client asks me to do that for them since it is so easy and might I add cheaper to get else where.

While I would suggest it is not in your best interests to piss off your massage therapist ever, let me inform you that pissing off your 8 month pregnant massage therapist is even less in your best interests. Your lucky that I was not so angry as to have you black balled from the spa, and trust me that’s only because I have dealt with way worse pervs that you.

Just so you are aware, you currently hold the record for client whom I have discontinued the massage with, at a time of 15 minutes, congratulations. Most clients “who aren’t asking for happy endings” at least wait until I flip then over on the table. Props to you for your inpatients.

Trying to argue with me the entire time I am packing up and acting offended will get you no where with me.

Good luck at your next massage, I hope you behave better for your next therapist then you did for me.

Much love


p.s. I hope you get the herp from your next hooker.

We went to the doc today and had our 20wk Ultrasound, and we are having a girl! We took the boys with us and they were enthralled with watching the baby magically appear on the screen. It was a rather long appointment about 30 min of them taking measurements and looking at stuff.  They say she is healthy and within normal weight range, so we are very happy.

They did mention  that she was on the low end of the weight range of normal, and Craig got all concerned and started asking what he needed to feed me. I am pretty sure I looked at him like he had lost him mind.  There are 2 reasons for this…

1) He breeds small babies, both his kids were 7lbs or so.

2) They said “Within NORMAL weight range” how big does he want this baby to be when I give birth.

I have since assured him we are letting the baby grow at her pace not trying to fatten her up in the womb.

Yesterday we told the boys about the baby, Alex was enthusiastic right off the bat, and of course Kayden took a few minutes to absorb the thought and then slowly began to warm to the idea, once we assured him that the baby was not replacing anyone in our family but simply adding one more special person to our family.

We decided to take the boys our for ice cream to celebrate the addition to our family, except since Alex is having issues with a cough he decided he would rather have a candy bar so as not to have the dairy make the mucus worse.

Alex was so excited about the baby that he asked if he could tell the strangers in the DQ that we were having a baby. I explained that he could only tell people we know, because even though we are having a baby its not okay to talk to strangers…even if they have a baby themselves.

We showed them the I’m Pregnant book that has pictures of what the baby looks at the various stages and the 11wk ultra sound pictures of the baby. We explained that next Wed we were going to the doctor to find out what sex the baby is and talked about what they would like best.

They agree that a baby sister would be best, and we explained that they wouldn’t be loosing their room. Then Alex decided that he wanted to make an origami mobile for the baby, Kayden was very excited about knitting a fish toy for the baby to go with the fish blankets I am making for the boys.

Alex has taken up the habit of yelling at my tummy since we told them that the baby can hear what’s going on. He keeps asking if she is awake or sleeping, and is disappointed when I say sleeping. This is because last night when she was moving around Kayden got to feel her kick his hand, but when I let Alex try to feel she got all quiet, so he is still waiting for her to move around so he can feel it.

Both boys are very excited about the baby and I’m not sure if I am going to be able to handle all that enthusiasm(and touching) for the next 6 months. Alex has started “shopping” for the baby from the magazines we have going through and debating the merits of various cribs and bouncy chairs depending on their ability to hold his mobile.

Today as Alex was leaving for his Doc appointment (his cough has lasted for 2 wks now, it was almost gone when he went his mothers but is twice as bad when we got him back) he said to me, “Keep the baby safe Kyrie.” I said, “I will I just like I keep you safe.” and he smiled and said “yep just like that.”

Kayden is very excited that the baby will come around his birthday, and wants me to open the doors for the count down calendar that his grandmother sends every year for Christmas, since the baby won’t be able to yet.

Over all I’d say they are very excited and taking it very very well. I just hope they feel the same when they get back from the wicked witch, as she has taken the news with the least amount of poise and grace that she could possibly manage. Angry at Craig that I’ll be taking her child support and assuring him that I’ll be leaving him for sure now.

Which makes no sense to me at all, I mean if I was even considering that option I never would have let even a possibility of getting pregnant happen, I did after all manage to avoid it for the last 32 years. Then again none of her delusions make any sense to me.

So I know it’s been a really long time since I have blogged, but I have been a bit busy.


Yep that’s right I have been busy making baby stuff to go along with the baby I’ve been working on.  I am currently 17wks pregnant, and everything is going wonderfully.  I am due Dec 22nd. So I’ve had a bit of a baby stuff spree. We don’t know the sex yet, though it’s probably obvious that I wouldn’t mind a girl. I have been trying to do some gender neutral stuff, but I’m not sure if I am managing to succeed at that.


My bunny looks more like a puppy, I didn’t manage to get the shaping right but I am still  pretty happy with how it turned out.  Pretty cute if I do say so myself.


Made some cute little mittens to go with the socks that I finished as well. I think I may have enough for a matching hat.


The baby blanket seems a bit girly to me though Craig says that it would be fine for either I am not sure I believe him.


I happened to like that yarn so much from when I made the hoodie and hat that I couldn’t resist using it for this blanket also.


I made a matching hat and bootie set for a newborn which I really really like how it turned out.  I am sooo jonesing to make a baby sweater, but Iam trying to hold off until Aug 5th when we can find out the sex of the baby. Anyway I think that’s all of what I have been up to.  Oh yeah I forgot this one…


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