Kyrie’s Rants & InSaNiTiEs

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

We went to the doc today and had our 20wk Ultrasound, and we are having a girl! We took the boys with us and they were enthralled with watching the baby magically appear on the screen. It was a rather long appointment about 30 min of them taking measurements and looking at stuff.  They say she is healthy and within normal weight range, so we are very happy.

They did mention  that she was on the low end of the weight range of normal, and Craig got all concerned and started asking what he needed to feed me. I am pretty sure I looked at him like he had lost him mind.  There are 2 reasons for this…

1) He breeds small babies, both his kids were 7lbs or so.

2) They said “Within NORMAL weight range” how big does he want this baby to be when I give birth.

I have since assured him we are letting the baby grow at her pace not trying to fatten her up in the womb.

This last semister, Alex decided to slack, he slacked so much that his writing grade went from a B to a D…in one semister.  Mainly that’s because Alex is not all that fond of writing. He’d rather hurry through it and his work is…abismal at best. So we decided that he would be writing a story a week for the rest of the summer. This is the first installment of his summer homework. After some decussion Alex asked if he could write one large story for the whole summer. We agreed and so this is the first part of his story. It doesn’t have a title yet as he’s still working on that.  But here we go…

“Hello, what is your name?”

“Alex.”

“Well hello Alex. Welcome to Desert Breeze. My name is Cloe.”

“Hey why don’t you put your lunch box on your group table, in the gym.”

“Ok.”

When I got in the gym everybody was free playing. The first thing I played was wall ball with a leader then I shot some hoops after awhile we had to line up for snack.  For snack I had a cookie, gummies and a banana. After snack we went back to the gym.

But when we got there something with wings grabbed me and flew off with me. At that moment I realized two things, one I was hungry and two I needed to know what is carrying me. All of a sudden I was dropped into a pool of water. When my head got out I was in a whole new place.

When I realized that I started to hear some laughing. When I looked up I saw harpies laughing at me bacause I was soaking wet and that made me mad and suddenly I realized that I had armor and a sword and beside me was a ghoul.  “This much be WoW, ” I thought.

When I clearly realized that it was WoW I attacked the laughing harpies and after I gained a level and now I was completely convinced that it was WoW.

Right after I was clearly convinced I realized I was my level 58 Death Knight. Then all of a sudden a man in a black mask pounced out of the bushes and was being attacked by wolf clan men and it was technically four against one but I decided to even the odds.  After the fight we introduced each other, his name was Zorro.

Guess what he got here the same way I did, harpies took us from the real world to this world. He also told me how to get back to the real world. “You just have to go to the Harpies kingdom, but to get there you will have to go through Saku’s Forest, Orgrimmar, the Dark Portal, the Never Ending Cove, Dino Kindgom and the Orc cavern.”

“So where do we start?”

“The Never Ending Cove.”

“What!”

“Don’t worry it ends…eventually.”

“Ahhh!”

“Just kidding, sorry.”

“That was not me.”

“Then what was that?”

“Why don’t you ask it?”

At that moment Zorro turned around and guess what he saw a werewolf.  Right after I blinked the werewolf’s head was gone.

We pause here tune back in about two weeks for the next story.  The kids are going up to their grand parents for the week, so there will be a longer pause the usual after this story.

Today we made S’mores in a campfire out back. We had a lot of fun, though I had to teach the boys S’mores etiquette. Craig doesn’t remember ever having them before and the Lost boys had never had them either. We all sat outside and watched the fire burn out and the kids and I made up a story about a knight and a dragon from what we could imagine the flames of the fire looked like. The S’mores were as yummy as I remembered.  And the kids lasted until 10pm on one S’more and one roasted marshmallow. I don’t know how my mom let us eat so many of those on camping trips. Then again we spent most of the day hiking and were so worn out that the S’mores didn’t really have much effect. I couldn’t convince any of the boys to eat the Marshmallows that way I liked it…charbroiled to ash, I am telling you ash with your sugar is good….sigh they didn’t believe me.

Earlier today Kayden and I dyed his first skein of sock yarn. We both had fun dying our yarn.  Kayden’s came out very well he listened to my instructions and there was only one little bit that got a bit muddied with the dye mixing together.   I dyed mine a pretty light blue and Kayden did his green, red and blue.  I will have pictures later when they are done drying.

Below is the story that Alex just finished writing, thought I would share it all with you.

Hello to all you Dragon lovers out there. My name is Alex and I  will tell you how to find a North American, African, and Asian dragons.

First if you live in North America and you live near the mountains that have a cave, ask yourself these three questions.

1. Would a dragon live in a cave?

Yes / No

2. Is the dragon hungry?

Yes / No

3. Will he/she be a baby?

Yes / No

If you are not sure about a question there are three things you can do.

A. Give up

B. Sneak in the cave and look.

C. Buy a robot to check

If none of these work that means there is no dragon. Wait! But there still could be dragon remains, below is a picture of a dragon rib I found.

As you can see it has a crack and if you are wondering what a dragon would like like.

  • blue wings
  • wings tattered
  • breathes fire
  • blue
  • red and yellow eyes

Now if you are in Africa and you have elephants and you want to catch a dragon have a heat seeking missle ready because these type of dragons eat elephants. There are three week spots.

1. The head

2. Wings

3. Long neck

If you hit the head it might cause temporary blindness or it will kill the dragon. If you hit the wings the dragon will lose balance and fall. If you hit the neck it might blow some scales off or it might blow the dragons head off.  Below are then dragon traits.

  1. Dragons are carnivors.
  2. Dragons are fast.
  3. Dragons breathe fire.
  4. Dragons have big meals.
  5. Most dragons have black horns.
  6. All dragons have tails.
  7. Most dragons live in caves.
  8. Baby dragons are called whlepings (well-p-lings).
  9. Some dragons have feathers.
  10. All dragons have claws.

Now you know how to find an African dragon and an American dragon.

The next dargon we are going to talk about is so evil and vile that one look will crush the living daylights out of you. Just kidding! There is no dragon that is that dangerous.

The real dragon that we are going to talk abotu is the nicest dragon alive, it is called the Asian dragon. The Asian dragon looks like it is part snake, part lion, and part lizard. It’s scales are red and at the end of the tail is hair. On its back there are some red spikes sticking out. Every dragons eye tell of its power. Below are some colors and powers.

  1. Green = Healing
  2. Purple = Singing
  3. Red = Sharper claws
  4. White = Fast Flying
  5. Black = Invisible

Now you know how to find three dragons. And there names are , the North American dragon, the African, and the Asian dragons. Now go and use your wisdom well.

The lost boys went up to visit their grandparents for spring break and then, Craig’s parents came down to visit them after they returned. Some how those lucky lost boys got two weeks of spring break…I’m not sure how that happened. I finished half of the I do Shrug and have started on the second sleeve. It’s coming along very nicely.

idohalf

I know it looks kind of bloby and such, but that’s because it’s lace and I haven’t blocked it yet.

I have also been working on my Sprite DarterSocks which I finished last night just as I got my Sprite Darter in Wow! I was sooo excited

sprite-dartersocks11

I made them extra girlie this time because Craig was threatening to steal them…though he assures me that he is secure enough that he can still wear them…sigh.

The weather was beautiful when Mel and David were here, but now it’s turned gloomy and windy. It’s looking like spring break was only a tease. Mom tells me that it’s still snowing in Montana and Mel called this morning to tell Craig it had snowed 6in. and she was moving down to live with us until spring decided to really come this year.
The lost boys enjoyed their easter gifts a great deal, and Kayden managed to  break his yo-yo so while Craig was trying to fix it he decided to super glue both of his eyes. Luckily he caught it in time before they were glued shut and washed his eyes for about 10 minutes. Was any interesting few days around here.

For those of you just dying to know what a Sprite Darter looks like…here are two pictures of my character…

kyra1

See even in game I hang out in the desert where it’s warm. 😉

kyrja2

And here I am dancing for the joy of a new Sprite Darter!

So I have been doing a lot of editing for the Strangers RPG game as well as a bit of writing.  This project was started about 15 years ago, and I became involved with it about 7 years ago.  I helped write the first rough rough draft and then promptly moved to Las Vegas and left it in Raven’s hands. Well I am happy to announce that the game will finally be published June 1st, through Chronocomm Games. We will be going to Gen Con in August to promote the game and debut it. I am really really excited.

I haven’t been knitting much as I have been working on the game.  Today is sit and knit and I am going to try and finish that last murloc.

Yesterday I went to the Stripper 101 class, with some of the in room girls from work. We had a blast! The teacher was awesome and and very very funny. She showed us all these great stripper tricks as well as how to keep the control in a lap dance and  even a few pole tricks. It was such a work out, though at the time it didn’t feel like it. I sure feel it now.

So yesterday E and I went to J’s house in Pahrump,  to watch the second season of Carnivale which if you haven’t seen it I highly recommend. The plot is enthrallingly engaging even if the pace is a bit slow and drawn out.  Some of you should know where this is going already.

We spent 4 hours watching Carnivale and knitting on the new sock pattern I have been designing I have not decided how I am going to do the cuff just yet.  Here is a taste of the Fleckless Sock.

footdone

Oh yeah I also made a weighted sock bag last night because I didn’t want to wait for the ones on line to ship. It turned out pretty awesome for the prototype. I will be giving it to Kayden and changing a few things on the next one I make.

flecklesspiratebag

J asked if we would like to take a tour of Pahrump.  Which is by the way ia way smaller then Laurel and has no side walks….at all except down town and only a block or so long.

Anyway on the way in to J’s house I saw a yarn shop *insert angelic singing here* so I was very excited to go check it out. We arrived at 3:55 and the shop closed at 4pm. The shop is basicly two trailer houses placed side by side. One side has fabric and notions along with a room for classes and then other side has the yarn….*sigh* unfortunately they only carried one brand of yarn…Red Heart. For those of you who don’t know Red Heart is seriously the crappiest of all crappy acrylic yarn.

However it was five minutes to close, and was very obvious that this shop needed all the economic stimulation it could get. So I bought some crappy Red Heart yarn…

Crappy Red Heart Yarn

Crappy Red Heart Yarn

I am hoping that it will make a cute baby hoodie like the last yarn I bought to help a local shop out.  Some how I don’t think it will stripe like the last one did.

almostdone

After the yarn shop J asked if we would like to drive by the local brothals. I’ll admit I was curious while E was…less then curious but at least willing to let us drive by them. So we wandered on down to whatever street the Chicken House and Sheri’s Ranch are on.  Both of these brothals are at the edge of town and the end of the street. I mean that litterally right after Sheri’s parking lot it dead ends and it’s just desert.

So J pulled into the parking lot and E begins to tense up. The outside of the place looks like…any other large strip mall which has art work by Olivia plaster all over the outside of the building.

J slips into a parking space and shuts off the engine and E stiffens up and turns toward me with absolute panic in her face.  Though you can tell she trying really really hard to not show it.  J hops out and seeing the panic on E’s face I can’t help but pop my door open just to watch her eyes light up with panic.  I may have an evil streak…just a small one…really. I swear it’s small.

Anyway she said…”Are we going…In?” and I say “Why not.” I’m slightly curious about the inside.  J is all bubbly in that innocent way of hers and says, “They give free tours.”

At this point I’m trying really really hard not to laugh at E because she’s is screaming in her head now and smiling bravely at us.  J pulls open the door to the bar and the light streams into the darkened interior.

The whole place seems to inhale and then hold their breath as we walk in. There are four Johnnies sitting around the bar getting chatted up by women of various ages in thongs and bras.  The three at the end of the bar were probably in their late forties. The men are immediately uncomfortable, and yet somewhat specluative at the same time.

The bar manager comes over to find out why we are there and why we felt the need to make her customers uncomfortable. J explains that we are from out of town and want to take the tour. We order a drink…because lets be honest if you go to a whore house you better at least have a drink.

One of the girls comes out to give us a tour. E is gulping her drink and trying not to ask any inappropriate questions even though she has a ton of them. She’s pretty sure the tour guide would not have appreciated them.  I think my favorite question was…”you really have sex with people…really?”  She show us to the rooms you can party in which I have to say was very interesting.

They had the expesive dinner room where you pay for a steak and lobster dinner and the desert is a blow job with a Creme De Menthe shot before hand that adds to the whole desert experience.  I’m pretty sure the girl gets the shot. She said it adds a hot and cooling sensation. I’m now taking notes.

They have two Jacuzzi rooms which have different decore another room which has bubbles falling from the ceiling over the top of the bubble bath tub that is set up on a pedastal.  The whole time the girl is taking us around E is chugging her drink and  trying not to appear uncomfortable…and failing misebly.

Then they had the S&M room which is equiped with a stage and stripper pole. A large leather covered thorne with chains and cuffs attached to it. A St. Andrews cross and a leather covered sawhorse.  Along with various whips hanging on the wall.

We were told that if you wanted to rent out this room it was $500 an hour plus the two girls that were mandatory and it was required that each girl was tipped for every lap dance they performed.

At this point the tour was over and we went back to the bar dropped off our empty drinks and left. E began to breathe again and J & I teased her about the whole thing. There really is nothing better then tormenting your friends.

We’ve been telling E for a bit that we are taking her to the strip club where they have boy strippers  for her birthday.  I think after that we’ll have to take her to the Stripper 101 class. *smirks* I can’t wait to see her face.

Some of you won’t get this, but that’s okay some of you will. 😉

US Democracy Server: Patch Day

Version 44.0

President

* Leadership: Will now scale properly to national crises. Intelligence
  was not being properly applied.
* A bug has been fixed that allowed the President to ignore the effects
  of debuffs applied by the Legislative classes.
* Drain Treasury: There appears to be a bug that allowed loot to be
  transferred from the treasury to anyone on the President’s friends
  list,or in the President’s party. We are investigating.
* Messages to and from the President will now be correctly saved to
  the chat log.
* Messages originating from the President were being misclassified as
  originating from The American People.
* A rendering error that frequently caused the President to appear
  wrapped in the American Flag texture has been addressed.

Vice President

* The Vice President has been correctly reclassified as a pet.
* No longer immune to damage from the Legislative and Judicial classes.
* The Vice President will no longer aggro on friendly targets. This bug
  was identified with Ranged Attacks and the Head Shot ability.
* Reveal Identity: this debuff will no longer be able to target Covert
  Operatives.
* Messages to and from the Vice President will now be correctly saved
  to the chat log.
* A rendering bug was affecting the Vice President’s visibility, making
  him virtually invisible to the rest of the server. This has been
  addressed.

Cabinet

* There was a bug in the last release that prevented the Cabinet from
  disagreeing with the President, which was the cause of a number of
  serious balance issues. This bug has been addressed, and we will
  continue to monitor the situation.

Judiciary

* Many concerns have been raised regarding balance issues in the
  Supreme Court.
  This system is maintained on a different patch schedule, and will
  require longer to address.
* A large number of NPCs in the Judiciary were incorrectly flagged
 "ideological." We are trying to identify these cases and rectify
  this situation.

Homeland Security

* Homeland Security Advisory System: We have identified a bug in
  this system that prevents the threat level from dropping below
  Elevated (Yellow). The code for Guarded (Blue) and Low (Green)
  has been commented out. We are testing the fix and hope to have
  it in by the next patch.
* Torture: This debuff is being removed after a record number of
  complaints.
* Item: Large Bottle of Water is incorrectly generating threat
  with TSA Agents when held in inventory. We are looking into the
  issue.
* Asking questions about Homeland Security was incorrectly
  triggering the Chain-Jingoism debuff.

Economy

* Serious on-going issues with server economy are still being
  addressed. We expect further roll-backs, and appreciate your
  help identifying and fixing bugs. We can’t make these fixes
  without your help.

PVP

* Reputation with various factions are being rebalanced. The
  gradated reputation scale was erroneously being overwritten
  by the binary For Us/ Against Us flag.

Quests

* The” Desert Storm” quest chain was displaying an erroneous
  "Mission Accomplished" message near the beginning of the chain.
* The quest chain that begins with “There’s no cake  like
  Yellow Cake” and terminates  with “W-M-Denied” has been
  identified as uncompletable, and has been removed.

Reagents

* Many recipes that currently call for Crude Oil can now be
  made with Wind, Solar, Geothermal and Ethanol reagents. 
  We hope to roll out even more sweeping changes in the next
  patch.

Events

* The “Axis of Evil” event is drawing to a close. Look forward
  to the “Rebuilding Bridges” event starting in January.

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