Kyrie’s Rants & InSaNiTiEs

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Dear Client

One would think that since you booked a massage in a high end resort you’d understand the rules and etiquette of getting a massage. However since you obviously don’t let me list a few of the rules you have broken, so you’ll know for next time.

It is not okay to answer the door in your underwear and a tank top…put some freaking pants on, the people in the hall aren’t that impressed with your package and neither am I.

This is the first indication that you as a client are going to give me problems.

I don’t need you to “prepare” the room before I get there. Unless you want to actually pick your crap up off the floor, but that is another rant. This means that no matter how nicely you have made the bed look you are NOT getting your massage there, nor will I ever be placing any part of my body upon it. No matter how much you try to convince me that unethical and illegal things happen every minute in Vegas, it doesn’t matter. YOU ARE NOT WORTH MY JOB AND MY LICENSE.

Just a side note, this is clue number two that in about twenty minutes we will be arguing about whether or not I will be touching your penis. Trust me I am prepared it make you wish you’d never booked a massage in the first place, I suggest you take care of the problem yourself. Just because I am pregnant and obviously put out at some point does not mean I am interested in helping you with your problem in any way.

It’s okay to ask for specific work, however…It is not okay to ask for inner thigh work, while wiggling your ass on my table in a suggestive manner.

When I comply to my professional standards and refuse to go any “higher or any more to the inside of the thigh” it’s not okay to try and intimidate me into doing what you want. Throw as big a fit as you like it only pisses me off and as you found out ends your massage then and there. I don’t respond well to bullying, even if you are 6 ft 7.

Also arguing with me about what you said that was inappropriate, will not make me change my mind about continuing the massage no matter how shocked and surprised you act that I have found your behavior inappropriate. I have been doing this job for over 3 years now and I can tell the difference between someone asking me for a happy ending and someone asking for more work on an area.

I might suggest that telling me there are a million girls out there that you could have gone to in Vegas, to get a happy ending if that is really what you wanted is completely true. Don’t act so shocked when I agree with you and inform you that it always surprises me when a client asks me to do that for them since it is so easy and might I add cheaper to get else where.

While I would suggest it is not in your best interests to piss off your massage therapist ever, let me inform you that pissing off your 8 month pregnant massage therapist is even less in your best interests. Your lucky that I was not so angry as to have you black balled from the spa, and trust me that’s only because I have dealt with way worse pervs that you.

Just so you are aware, you currently hold the record for client whom I have discontinued the massage with, at a time of 15 minutes, congratulations. Most clients “who aren’t asking for happy endings” at least wait until I flip then over on the table. Props to you for your inpatients.

Trying to argue with me the entire time I am packing up and acting offended will get you no where with me.

Good luck at your next massage, I hope you behave better for your next therapist then you did for me.

Much love


p.s. I hope you get the herp from your next hooker.


Yesterday we told the boys about the baby, Alex was enthusiastic right off the bat, and of course Kayden took a few minutes to absorb the thought and then slowly began to warm to the idea, once we assured him that the baby was not replacing anyone in our family but simply adding one more special person to our family.

We decided to take the boys our for ice cream to celebrate the addition to our family, except since Alex is having issues with a cough he decided he would rather have a candy bar so as not to have the dairy make the mucus worse.

Alex was so excited about the baby that he asked if he could tell the strangers in the DQ that we were having a baby. I explained that he could only tell people we know, because even though we are having a baby its not okay to talk to strangers…even if they have a baby themselves.

We showed them the I’m Pregnant book that has pictures of what the baby looks at the various stages and the 11wk ultra sound pictures of the baby. We explained that next Wed we were going to the doctor to find out what sex the baby is and talked about what they would like best.

They agree that a baby sister would be best, and we explained that they wouldn’t be loosing their room. Then Alex decided that he wanted to make an origami mobile for the baby, Kayden was very excited about knitting a fish toy for the baby to go with the fish blankets I am making for the boys.

Alex has taken up the habit of yelling at my tummy since we told them that the baby can hear what’s going on. He keeps asking if she is awake or sleeping, and is disappointed when I say sleeping. This is because last night when she was moving around Kayden got to feel her kick his hand, but when I let Alex try to feel she got all quiet, so he is still waiting for her to move around so he can feel it.

Both boys are very excited about the baby and I’m not sure if I am going to be able to handle all that enthusiasm(and touching) for the next 6 months. Alex has started “shopping” for the baby from the magazines we have going through and debating the merits of various cribs and bouncy chairs depending on their ability to hold his mobile.

Today as Alex was leaving for his Doc appointment (his cough has lasted for 2 wks now, it was almost gone when he went his mothers but is twice as bad when we got him back) he said to me, “Keep the baby safe Kyrie.” I said, “I will I just like I keep you safe.” and he smiled and said “yep just like that.”

Kayden is very excited that the baby will come around his birthday, and wants me to open the doors for the count down calendar that his grandmother sends every year for Christmas, since the baby won’t be able to yet.

Over all I’d say they are very excited and taking it very very well. I just hope they feel the same when they get back from the wicked witch, as she has taken the news with the least amount of poise and grace that she could possibly manage. Angry at Craig that I’ll be taking her child support and assuring him that I’ll be leaving him for sure now.

Which makes no sense to me at all, I mean if I was even considering that option I never would have let even a possibility of getting pregnant happen, I did after all manage to avoid it for the last 32 years. Then again none of her delusions make any sense to me.

So I have a friend on Ravelry that runs the Nerdabout NYC’s blog, for the science channel. Basically they feature various nerdy things and post about it. She asked me if I would be willing to do an interview about playing WoW and knitting. Which I was more then happy to do for her.

So please go check out the interview and comment! The science channel bases how long they are willing to keep this project going on the comments. So please please comment as she has offered to spotlight Strangers as well just before it is published.

As to other things I’ve been up to lately…well not much. Just reading a lot. I’ve read the last to novels in the Twilight series, and four Nicole Jordan books in the last few days.

So I’ve been really busy trying to keep up with everything lately and since I got a new computer which didn’t have a photo editing program I let the blogging slide a bit. Now I have currently finished 2 pairs of socks and 3 Murlocs. I have one more to go before I am done and then I will be done with Murlocs for some time I think.

The lost boys are doing well. Alex has managed to get a score of 98 for the Gate program. Which he was very excited about until he realized that meant more classes and homework. *insert evil laughter here*

The lost boys are still filling in the very large and deep grave they dug to china three weeks ago. Currently they almost have some of their toys back, and have been allowed to do more then just stare at a wall for the last week. Which has been nice for everyone. We are hoping they can go a whole week without trying to open the grave back up. Our fingers are crossed and I think since the microwave has given up the ghost and the clock no longer changes minutes that they have fully decided that watching the clock is not as fun as it used to be. I could be wrong about that…lets hope not.

I have been editing the Strangers RPG game, while will be released June 1st and am very very excited about that. As well I am planning on attending Gen Con in Aug to watch the game be debuted.

Oh I got my Kindle today and I absolutely LOVE it. I love it more then…hmm well less then Craig and more then WoW…I think. Yeah yeah I’m almost sure that’s the right amount. I need to knit it a case so that it doesn’t get scratched up.

Okay that’s all I’ve got for now I still haven’t quiet learned my new photo editing software and I really don’t have the patience for it tonight. So here is the post with out pictures. 🙂

Here is the recipe for the fudge. It’s very simple and makes up easily in no time.

3c. Chocolate chips (I usually do half dark and half milk)
1 (14oz) can sweetened condensed milk
dash salt
1.5 tsp vanilla

In heavy sauce pan, on low heat, melt chocolate chips with sweetened condensed milk and salt. Remove from heat;stir in vanilla. Spread evenly into waxed paper lined baking dish. Chill 2 hours or until firm. Turn fudge onto cutting board, peel off paper and cut into squares. Store leftovers in fridge.



Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mom like me.
What kind of a little girl was your mom?
1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

On Tuesday I woke up with a sliced cornea, of which I have no idea how I got it. I went to bed fine and woke up in the most agonizing pain I have ever been in. Craig drove me to the doctor who promptly tried to pretend he was not freaked out about how badly I had injured my eye with no idea how. He tried be appear calm and than gave me four prescriptions. Luckily for me after going to see the doc every morning this week I have been told it has healed well enough that I can come back for my next check up on Thursday. My vision is almost back to where it was before I mysteriously manged to hurt myself.

Which is good because today Alex decided to trash talk about how he was quiet certain he could beat me at Scene it. So I promptly beat his pants off, it was great. The Lost Boys are getting very excited about Christmas and going up to visit their grandparents. Not sure how long we will be up there as I haven’t really taken the time to find out but I’m sure it will be fun. Anyway that’s the update for now.

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